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Thursday, April 2, 2009

37: Crock-Pot Shots and I'm just happy to see you

Let's give this crockpot a shot!

This morning, a bumper sticker on a car caught my attention as I was walking to work. When I got close enough to read it I saw it read "FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS!"

Seeing as how I was only 1/4 of the way through my coffee at the time, the phrase rang a distant bell, but not one that registered. Then I read the seal next to the slogan for the National Rifle Association and realized OH! Oh yeah! I think Charlton Heston quoted that famous saying once referring to the only way one would be able to strip him of his guns. Then I thought WOW that's an aggressive bumper sticker. And especially fun to find posted on a car in an area where all too often people are forced to give their possessions to others who stop cars, get out, show their gun to their new acquaintance, demand those possessions, then take them and drive away.

And on what type of vehicle would you imagine such a bumper sticker would be? This one was a sedan. I really think it was a Ford Taurus.

I am admitting to my own stereotyping here. My conception of a loud and proud gun owner and gun rights advocate of the degree matching that bumper sticker involves the sticker being affixed to a truck or a Hummer or a tank. But not a family sedan.

Somehow it was surprising to me in its intensity, like wow that is not just proclaiming your value system (again, my annoyance is fair and balanced as I've already ridiculed those who "visualize world peace" on their Priuses - ref. day ??? [I really should have used the tag system for this blog, I have no idea how far back I wrote about that]), THAT is aggressively informing others of the consequences of attempting change - - -death. Much like "Live Free or Die" as a state slogan, the NRA bumper sticker does not mince words or pull punches. It's actual life or death on the line when it comes to guns. Which, no really, that's actually true all the time. When it comes to guns.

And lest my crockpot faithful think I am either 1. on a soapbox hoping to persuade others to hold the same beliefs as me or 2. unaware of my hypocrisy here, let me respond by saying 1. this is just what I happened to stumble upon on the way to work and therefore, be thinking about today and 2. On day 33 of this blog, I reference how excited and impressed I was by the use of guns specifically. The Winter Olympics skiing/riflery biathlon is both exciting and impressive to me. Fact.

So, in the event that any crockpot faithful are also gun enthusiasts whom I have offended, please don't report me to the NRA, and please don't shoot me. I am not even (sorry animal lovers) stringently opposed to hunting in all cases. I just think the all or nothing approach fails most times, and that well, your cold dead hands is a lot to wager as a point of negotiation. Fairly one-sided there. Which, I know, is the whole point.

While guns don't kill people, people kill people, it's a lot easier for people to kill people if they are using guns. It's easier for people to accidentally kill people, and for people to accidentally kill themselves, and for people to accidentally lose their minds and open fire on some loved ones, some school friends, some school enemies, some old people, some people that were in the way, some people who shouldn't have been on the road at the same time, some preacher who didn't save, some lover who needed the "un" taken out of "unrequited" by force, and anyone around that lover who happened to be in the way, some guys just working at the gas station, waiting on TGIF like the rest of us.

Remember when the postal shootings happened back in the day? And it was horrifying and beyond comprehension that someone would light up a U.S. institution simply because they didn't like their job? The post office - something nearly every town in America has. The location of an errand! It was unthinkable.

Now, a shooting like that that would almost warrant an "Oh yeah, I can see that." "Going postal" is cliche. And now in many cases, too mild a point of comparison! Being disgruntled seems to be a far more justified reason for one to go out of his or her mind and start shooting strangers and loved ones indiscriminately than it once was. Or if not justified, it's at least far less shocking. And that is both terrifying and terrible.

After a copycat gunman opened fire on a school and then killed himself my best friend wrote saying "I hate guns, this is crazy!" and yep, it is crazy. But I think, even crazier than the fact that it's crazy is the fact that it is so LESS crazy than it once would have been. That is not progress.

Also, in a time of great discontent on a global scale, is now really the best time to be normalizing violence for the disgruntled as acceptable? Not in my opinion, but again, I have yet to make a bumper sticker.

I think my counter slogan would be "FROM YOUR COLD HANDS OVER MY DEAD BODY!"

Which is funny to me because, yes, that is pretty much what is promised there, were I to try to prevail my opinion upon those in the "from my cold hands" camp. At least one of us dies in that gun fight fighting over the gun fight.

As one who has consumed venison jerky, and who likes to watch olympians out-ski each other after out-shooting targets (not each other), I will not say I think all guns should be eliminated from existence (though I'm sure I could be persuaded if alternatives to the glue and caulk guns are created). But would it be possible to at least agree that, likewise, not all people who exist should have guns?

Curiosity and fact-checking took me to Youtube where I found people, based on their comments, to be far more polarized about this than I even thought.

Here's the bumper sticker inspiration.
It cannot be argued, that's one hell of a dynamic spokesman.

Here is a clip reel that is VERY VERY much exclusively on the other side of the issue. The use of The Simpsons and Chris Rock made me warrant this worthy of inclusion today.

And here is a song that I actually like as a song, which I randomly know exists because I once bought the Guess Who's greatest hits for someone else and the copy of the CD I received ended up being a wonderful gift to myself. It's too on topic not to include.The Guess Who are not quite as game for making concessions for well, game as I am, which is surprising as Canadians, but I think this addresses over-hunting and the impact of seeing guns as fun without consequence. Hope this link works. You have to click the play arrow at top right. Give it a shot.


  1. Update! NPR on the way to work - fatal shooting at Radford campus. And the car was still parked there - it was a Volvo, not a Taurus.

  2. and also: