Saturday, February 20, 2010

Skate Stew! Some seasoning and spice from some seasoned spices

Typing the title for this entry, I realized that hey - isn't skate a type of fish? So couldn't skate stew actually be created (and most probably, disgusting) inside a fishcrockpot? Woo! Gross! I can taste the authenticity from here!

As promised yesterday, tonight's entry will feature quotes, thoughts, and comments from people I actually know who are not me. What's different about these guest commentators, however, is that unlike the times when say, I attribute thoughts to Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney or a stranger in a grocery store or an ESPN commentator, these thoughts come from three of the greatest minds of my generation. Just look at this roster and begin to feel inferior:
- Sara Wobker B.A., MPH, MD
- Susanne Hall, B.A., M.A., PhD
- Erin Valenti Bawa, B.S., M.S., PhD, CFA

Folks, the doctors are IN.
And the doctors are interested in responding to a great hypothetical question - spurred on by the Winter Olympics, posed by a friend of Dr. Wobker
What would you wear, and what music would you play for the long program skate?
This question elicited an immediate series of WOWs from me, as it is really really really hard to answer. Do you go for hilarity? Things you'd actually like to listen to and wear? Something that you think would win you a medal? Something so wrong it has to be right? I have still yet to think of my definite answer. And this question came to me by email on Friday morning!

Dr. Wobker was in a room of people considering the question. As she does not suffer fools, I'll assume the room full of people were also some great minds, thinking alike.

Below, Dr. Wobker's report from the scene of live interaction prior to posing the question to an online group, [with some additions by me] and her follow up answer:
"[One friend said she would] 'dress like A prince, and play prince songs.'"

[This apparently led to the realization that it would hilarious to see]
the Artist Formerly Known as Prince...skating to the minnesota fight song. which led to this realization - that prince on ice would not be so different from prince on stage, and he's been in ice skating outfits most of his professional career. furthermore, prince on ice should totally happen[HOLY CRAP HOW HAS IT NOT?].
my answer: a catsuit made entirely of that nude fabric that they put in the low Vs of the outfits, because i am intrigued by it, and the national anthem."
Honest to Jehovah, as Prince would prefer, YES, yes he has been wearing ice skating outfits his entire professional career. Is this a holdover from his Minnesota upbringing? Was playing the guitar (among other instruments) and landing women (many, many women) the substitute for Prince's true passion - figure skating?

The only thing that leads me to refute this speculation is my thorough and genuine belief that Prince, were he so inclined, would be skating at the professional level. Really. Do you know what kind of people wear figure skating outfits as signature looks for their professional careers? People with the builds of figure skaters. Long story short, Purple Rain on Ice seems about 4 months away from a realistic possibility, starring Prince himself, as himself. I think he could get up to speed in about four months. And MY GOD would I love to see a Johnny Weir/Prince collaboration (airing on Bravo). Wow. WOW. Think about it. Um, Johnny Weir cast as the crying dove??? He already has feathers on his fallen angel costume from this Olympics (reflecting how he felt about his career and sport since the last Olympics, according to commentators). It is not such a far, or technically difficult, jump to make.

Dr. Valenti Bawa responded to Dr. Wobker's idea for a totally nude body suit by pointing out that we have already seen this in popular culture in the form of the community college mascot featured on the NBC show Community, the Greendale Human Being. This mascot who is completely non-descript in gender, ethnicity, and all other categories for categorization was made to be inoffensive in all possible ways. As a result, the human being is terrifying - covered head to to (including face) in nylon spandex of a sort. Would that be a great look for Dr. Wobker, assuming she didn't cover her head? I think it would be compelling. But only if she used ridiculously strong and utterly unnatural face makeup like that featured on ice dancers.

Dr. Valenti Bawa also said she would like to see Prince on ice.

Dr. Hall's response was stellar and speedy. No one's surprised. Or that her idea is genius:
My answer is easy--I'd play the Golden Girls theme on a loop and dress as dorothy, in majestic robes of tortured tailoring, and skates that look like roman sandals. If I had the budget, I'd set up a cascading uniform of reveals that began with Dorothy's voluminous outfit, stripped away to a tasteful grandma dress for rose, which tears away to a sexy silky nightgown for Blanche, which then finally tears off to an even older lady dress for sophia and her handbag which, in the piece de resistance, I open, and a dove, symbolizing eternal friendship, escapes into to the night.
Really. Can you get better than this? Unbelievably awesome. Undeniably awesome. Awesome. My only concern is that to execute this, you would have to hear the Golden Girls theme song enough times to perfectly land every single detail - which i would imagine might drive a person crazy. The only thing standing in the way of this, from my perspective, is the possible downside of liking the show less or hating the theme song (PERISH THE THOUGHT!) afterward. Would a gold medal replace the Golden Girls adequately? Picture it. America, 2010...

Dr. Valenti Bawa, after much consideration, decided on the following:
as much as a rack my brain for something clever, i cannot get past the pure joy i would feel and great odds for a gold medal i would have ice skating to a michael jackson song. so i'll pick beat it and the red jacket will be some sort of plether like i saw a pairs team wear this year, and the black pants will have black sparkles. i think i'll be a pairs team if i can so i can do the fight scene on ice. the crowd will go wild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

While I love this Michael Jackson pairs idea, I do fear the same personal outcome. Would it be worth a gold medal to no longer enjoy hearing "Beat It"? No one wants to be defeated. But which way is a win? Tough decisions.

My answers? I had to just make a list of ideas. I can't commit! And can't decide which songs I'd be willing to sacrifice for the gold! One idea would be to start skating to Swan Lake, as I believe Oksana Baiul did to get her gold. Or at least she dressed like a swan. I think I'd start about 10 seconds of swan lake - record scratch! - then switch to Bjork. Her swan dress? Yep. It featured ice skating craftsmanship.

TV Theme Songs - Magnum P.I., and a medley of other 70s & 80s cop detective themes, climaxing with the Knight Rider theme song. In this I'd like to steal Sue's idea for the costume reveals as well. Mustache mandatory. KIT zamboni preferred.

Alternate - Growing Pains theme song

Songs I like that I'd have to sacrifice for the win but believe are long enough to do the job -
Freedom 90 - George Michael
Man in the Mirror - Michael Jackson
Coming Around Again - Carly Simon (this is actually an idea stolen from my dad, and he's pretty right, it would be a great skating song)
Tell Me Lies - Fleetwood Mac
Silly Love Songs - Paul McCartney (Live and Let die a close 2nd due to builds inherent in the music)

Songs I think would be great new avenues for ice skating use -
Mash ups - They're already dicey and awesome. Put it on.
Sound of Music Overture followed by Andre Benjamin's "Favorite Things" cover - both are great

Pairs Skating ideas like Erin's-
Copa Cabana - Barry Manilow (the story is all there. get a yellow outfit)
Pina Colada song - Rupert Holmes (ditto)

My short program - Lots. Of. Jumps.
Lots of them.

I'm going to leave this topic open for discussion and revisiting. Could be a slow cooker situation for my ideas to catch up in quality to those put forth by the doctor caucus.
My thanks to all aforementioned super-minds for their super consideration of the questions and challenges consuming our world today across disciplines! Front row seats to PROI (that's what purple rain on ice sounds like as a word...symbol still forthcoming from our graphics department).

1 comment:

  1. i cant fix html code right now. tried . failed. tired.
    and head to to typo. ugh.