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Thursday, April 1, 2010

Making up for sleep time

While it may appear to a casual reader that I was wasted or one-armed while typing last night’s entry, I promise that everything written there was, in fact true. I was just in bed and without the corrective lenses required to operate motor vehicles and, apparently, blogs. Apologies. Skip that one.

Today I’ve got a jumble stewing in my own brain. I think it might involve the massive quantity of caffeine I consumed around 2 p.m., which, as I type this, I realize might mean I’ll be crocking again this evening at about 2 a.m. when I’m unable to sleep. I mean, I’m affected. Addled even. I just went to the library to return one book (the one recommended yesterday!) and check out another, and I realized upon arriving there that I had not brought my library card. Turns out that whole loaner system only goes so far. It’s not a trust library. They’d prefer an actual record of what you’ve got and when you should bring it back. Library, I respect you. This one was my bad.

Anyway – rapid fire topics!

Topic One: Insidious marketing in my favorite t.v. shows – everyone sees this for what it is, right?

Last night’s episode of “Modern Family” – handsdown the funniest new show on t.v. at present – involved an A storyline that revolved around a character’s birthday desire to own an iPad. Now, this ABC show is Disney affiliated = Apple affiliated = iPad-happy. So the episode focused on the mania and excitement one lovable nerd would experience in desperately wanting Apple’s newest i-gadget. And yes, while very true to life for many iNerds and even common un-techie folk alike, the fact of the matter is that was essentially a 26 minute informercial for the iPad. Yes, I get it has to happen, but man, sometimes I hate it when there’s no acknowledgement of marketing’s fourth wall and there should be. Like, television programming is around so that we are encouraged to buy products, but I hate when the commercials get all up in the television programming to the point of being essential to the story rather than throw away product shots (every HP computer used on NBC Thursdays), or one-off mentions by characters (the guys checking the navigation system of their Ford on “White Collar” or Chuck of “Chuck” using the backup cam on his Nerd Herd Toyota) and pretend like they’re not there. The same thing bothered me about last week’s “Office.” Yep, it was funny, but how many time did the character Michael Scott say the phrase “Date Night!” excitedly? Coincidentally the name of his movie soon to be in theaters this April 9th take your whole family! I guess the manner I prefer, if we have to have such blatant in-show promotions to the point that character dialogue reflects the product, is that employed by “30 Rock” – making fun of yourself for doing it, and for the company doing it, and the entire industry. They go for broke. And it’s true to character and show. It’s self-skewering! I like it.

Topic Two: Refrigerators

This I bring up just to close the loop on yesterday’s mention of today’s topics, and because it’s top-of-mind concern to me. As we know, things I value most: food and television. I have some concerns my refrigerator might not be functioning at top speed/freeze any more. I think it’s still functioning well enough to keep things cold enough not be outright rotten, but that there’s a window where it warms up enough to make bad stuff grow, then cool down juuuust enough to cultivate those funky bad things so that my refrigerator is slowly becoming a den of self-poison! This could be the caffeine talking, but I’ve actually had this theory prior to jazzing myself beyond all reason with a giant Wendy’s iced tea this afternoon. Now, even if that’s not what is happening in my fridge, I still think it’s a compelling idea for a movie or short story or episode of Law & Order (I LOVE YOU LAW & ORDER!)! The slow and painful poisoning…done from the inside! Something as rotten as a crockpot full of fish.

Did you catch that?

When I shared these concerns with friends, I was informed that I was indeed boring and ridiculous with the story I was telling. It was quite hilarious at the time because that assessment was 100% correct.

Topics Three and Four: Spinning Austrians!!!

I had a hilarious experience at a spinning class yesterday. The instructor was so intense and ridiculous that everything he said made me laugh rather than inspiring my fastest pedaling on a stationary bike. All of this was done to the backdrop of a house mix from a euro-rave. I think this might be fertile ground for a full essay, so lemme just stop there. Here’s the punchline – though I pedaled far, I got nowhere.

Topic Five!: Cheating!

A few days ago I heard the song OPP on the way to work. A fantastic song that masterfully samples “ABC” by the Jackson 5. But the whole message of that song is hey, I like getting with other people’s lovaaa’s. No big whoop, but there’s an entire verse devoted to the blatant message and advice that the key to getting with OPP is not TALKING about OPP so you don’t get caught. It was so hilariously shameless. Like, hey dummy, cheating is awesome. But don’t talk about it! You’ll get busted!

That made me think of other songs that are blatantly about cheating, and I remembered crockpot lists were fan favorites last year. So here’s some great songs about cheating, in no particular order. Suggestions welcome. And a great many oversights in the country realm are acknowledged.

OPP – naughty by nature

Have you ever loved a woman – Derek and the Dominoes (one of many of Eric Clapton’s great, cheating with George Harrison’s wife – inspired songs. Really, whole awesome album came out of this)

Run to You – Bryan Adams - yep, listen closely. That love is forbidden!

Tusk – Fleetwood Mac – again, one very direct entry in a collected work that has quite a few homages to lovers-scorned

It wasn’t me – Shaggy, featuring Rik Rok(?) HILARIOUS. Like, this one is so shameless that I can’t help but love it – you were caught? In person? On camera? With a ton of supporting evidence? Deny it anyway.

Pina Colada Song (escape)– Rupert Holmes – when is cheating hilarious? When you want to cheat on your partner and your partner wants to cheat on you too! Ahhh, ain’t love grand. Really. A case of figuring out a song was ridiculous well after hearing it many many times.

Two Silhouettes on the Shade – the Rays, covered by Herman’s Hermits – This is a case of mistaken cheating identity, but it’s still a great song, great story. The Herman’s Hermits version is of course…upbeat

Chain of Fools- Aretha Franklin – it’s a good song.

Anyone Who Had a Heart – Dionne Warwick – I’m pretty sure this one is Burt Bacharach, right? No one does devastating love better. And this one, though “untrue” is the only real cheating reference, seems to work for me

Maybe I know that He’s been Cheating – Lesley Gore – this is as edgy as Lesley Gore gets, and I like it.

Cecelia – Simon & Garfunkel – shaking our confidence daily!

Ok, I have to go, but I’ll think of more!

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