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Thursday, March 26, 2009

30: Welcome to my Thirties!

I can't believe the fishcrockpot is thirty! I bet it isn't going to get carded much any more, especially with the way it's been hanging the fish lately. It IS just like the 28 - 29s again, everyone was right!

Maybe I am getting old. Ok, I am getting old. But proof of this keeps finding me in unusual ways - things like my disheartening overheard interaction by a youngster who did not find dialogue believable in a movie I liked yesterday and my immediate curmudgeonly reaction. Then I keep hearing "More than a Feeling" by Boston on the soft rock station. I thought that was just plain old rock. Who decides these things? It's like, when did Billy Ocean's "Caribbean Queen" suddenly become an oldie? Didn't that song just come out?

And it's only then when I realized it didn't, that I figured out, again, "Oh, I'm old...DAMN IT!"

This past Halloween I dressed up as Magnum P.I.
After a confusing conversation with a student about my costume, and whether I was going out with friends, I realized she thought Magnum P.I. was something requiring many people (which sure, if I'd had a T.C. and Rick or Higgins with me, I would have looked better, but you can be a stand-alone Magnum). Turns out she thought Magnum P.I. was a band. A BAND!!!
My immediate reaction was, "Oh my GOD you're YOUNG!!!!!"
Her reaction, because she's a very caring sweetheart, "I can't help it!"
It's true, she can't.

In any event, I found out today that I am old because last night I randomly caught the end of the Tonight Show with Jay Leno and found Prince performing. PRINCE. Amazing. Today I heard that the soft rock station was giving away Prince tickets to its reward club members. Like, seriously, the same people trying to win tickets to Disney Stars on Ice by joining the rewards club on the website are now being offered tickets to a Prince concert. Which I'm sure they would take, as I don't understand how anyone would not want to see Prince, but again, the soft rock give away is Prince? Am I that old? Prince is not easily soft rock quantifiable, for my money, unless we're making "Diamonds and Pearls" the definitive example of Prince music (laughable). I do suppose he defies classification, but still. Soft rock is low on my list of genres in which to put Prince, and I love soft rock!

Things I learned on Jay Leno's show:

Prince is the closest thing I think we have to a demigod as the American people. He is tiny yet all powerful. Mysterious, enchanting, wily, seductive, here and not, feared and revered, capable of magic - easily disappearing and reappearing as suits his needs.

Jay Leno is visibly uncomfortable sharing a stage with demigods.



I have had the argument with many heterosexual, non-homophobic men that consists of the following:

My assertion: Prince could have sex with anything he wanted, anyone he wanted, anytime he wanted, regardless of that object or person's personally held belief in their sexual preference or desire or lack thereof, for Prince or anyone else, simply because his command of sexuality is that comprehensive. You would not even know you that choice was a choice, so complete and engulfing would be Prince's seduction.

The retorts:
"No, he's way too short! He's tiny! That'd be weird!"
"No, he's way too feminine! If I were going to try something with a guy I'd want it to be a guy's guy."
"No, Prince is crazy! He's Prince! You can't have sex with Prince as a guy, that'd be wrong."
"No, he's a dude. I wouldn't feel right."

I argue that he wouldn't feel a thing, actually, until Prince commanded it become otherwise, at which point he would feel everything more intensely than he even imagined feeling could be possible, and would forever after claim to know what purple tastes like.

My simple, steadfast belief is that, if he wanted to, Prince could and would blow your mind. Any mind he set his upon.

I stand by this claim.

His Tonight Show performance did nothing, and I mean nothing to refute this claim.

Surrounded by 80s ladies, jellyfish, images of himself and images of women/meditation/yoga/sex/himself from his new album (JELLYFISH I TELL YOU!), Prince took to the stage with topical lyrics - political messages, "the white house is now the black house, it's time to take back the radio" (I think for Jay Leno this was the equivalent of having a Black Panther on the show), messages of sex "OOOH! feel the funk!," and messages of action and truth that, to paraphrase, said, "I don't know why everyone is acting like things just got shitty and unfair here, check in my old neighborhood, the economy was never good there" and "The only thing complaining ever accomplished was bitter hearts."
Amen Prince, I say to thee, even as I feel my own thump to its vinegar beat.

The man is able to surround himself with giant fake jellyfish and look completely empowered. That is godlike. He invented Carmen Electra for indigo's sake.

And before I throw in the link so you can see this yourself, may I say that Halle Berry was a guest on this episode, and Prince out-Halle-ed her hair!
Prince has Halle's hair from the year she won the Oscar and looks better in it, modern day, right now, as a man, than Halle Berry did then or now.

Reread that and TRY to comprehend how unbelievable that is:
Prince has Halle's hair from the year she won the Oscar and looks better in it, modern day, right now, as a man, than Halle Berry did then or now.

Halle Berry is gorgeous. Genetically gifted in ways that few are. And I am saying Prince outdid her playing her.

That is the power of Prince.

Doubt me? See for yourself.


Things I learned on KOST 103.5 during their Prince segment, in addition to my advanced age:

Prince is playing three consecutive nights on the Tonight Show. Can't wait to see the joy on Jay Leno's face. Can't wait to see if Prince has something other than jellyfish tonight. I'm guessing he'll change it up.

Prince is playing three consecutive shows in one night in Los Angeles. This weekend.

Prince is releasing a new album.
Which leads to the thought that....
the fishcrockpot may be a psychic portal.

Reference day 25
Really. If you go back and re-read the madness that appeared in day 25 of the crockpot, you will find a dialogue among Prince, Paul McCartney, Michael Jackson, and a member of Prince's The Revolution. In said dialogue, Prince posits that were he and Michael Jackson to simultaneously release comeback albums containing fury and funk to the level of which they are both artistically capable, the resulting dance party and funk would be so intense for the whole of humanity that it would, through cosmic circumstances, not malicious intent, precipitate the end of the world.

After I first shared my idea that MJ and Paul McCartney live together in cartoon form, I was informed that MJ is releasing an album. Then, after incorporating Prince into day 25, on day 30, I learn that Prince is in fact, releasing an album (three-in-one, it seems like, sold exclusively through Target, which shows the depths of Prince's devotion to Minnesota, corporate home of Target Stores, and Prince). While I am sure there is some perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this, like maybe KOST 103.5 has been playing tons of Prince lately to prepare the public for his new album release and I just absorbed their marketing so completely that I felt Prince was an organic addition to the McCartney Mansion, and not one that should in any way portend end times, I still would like to state for the record, just like MJ did with that Thriller video, that the fishcrockpot is in no way associated with, nor in support of, the occult. We cannot be responsible for what happens to the fate of the world, we're just working on getting to day 40 here.

So, with that legal disclaimer given, and my old age affirmed, I immediately went about seeing what it would take to see Prince in any one of his 3 parts of his 3 concerts in one night concert series in Los Angeles, by means of the internet. It would take between $109 and $2000 (though buy 2 tickets now, and purchase like it's $1999). There was also one stub hub ticket for $9400+, but it seemed to only specify seats for a non-existent row. Two tickets were available at that bargain price.

If anyone in the greater Los Angeles area or beyond feels that we should "Let's go crazy!" and try to see Prince, please do contact me. I'm sure it's a terribly wonderfully impractical awesome idea.

And so loyal crocker-rockers, I give this final (fuzzy due to ownership rights, apparently) gift to you, and challenge you to not get a tingle somewhere at least once while watching this. Sure, it can be your pinkie toe, but I guarantee something is going to feel it. Also, be sure to keep your eyes peeled for a certain surgeon who knows MJ quite well, according to day 25.

To the thirties! And where the rambling, or psychic connections, may take us!

Don't make me chase you, even doves have pride.













1 comment:

  1. Prince - still the jellyfish, but tonight was hendrix night, Prince-style.
    seriously, if you have any interest in musical skill or eyeliner, watch that clip.
    and jay leno is still bewildered!

    ReplyDelete