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Friday, April 22, 2011

Things I have seen on the road in LA this week, in chronological order. No exaggerations. No lies.

1.Early morning- Woman in white VW van with license plate "JESUS 08" almost collided with me while making a lefthand turn. While I did need to use my horn to avert actual collision (intended use of horn in automobiles, if driver's ed memory serves), I did refrain from extra horn time to express anger and annoyance at the driver, making "Jesus saves" true in several senses. I also wondered how many other Jesus license plates were out there. It was definitely eye-catching in being like, the real deal version of something that would seem completely like a vanity plate you could not acquire. At least not without assistance from a higher power. Or a California version of a Vatican gift shop.


2. Rush Hour standstill – Guy and girl smoking a doobie in stopped traffic. Windows down. Discretion levels – low. Everything else – high. This occurred on a ramp that merges two freeways together. Not only was traffic stopped on this ramp, but I was next to this car at a point where 2 lanes on the merge ramp merge themselves, becoming one lane entering freeway traffic. So I was really close to their open window, and definitely watched a girl pass a cigarette-looking item to her driver/presumably boyfriend. Just as soon as I'd asked myself, "Are they just openly smoking weed In a moving motorized vehicle? That’s so LA," the answer came billowing out of their windows on both sides. An unmistakeable smell. The sight of the smoke issuing forth from their car was also suitable to be filmed and inserted into any weed-based comedy movie you have ever, or will ever see.

3. 9 p.m. - Crosswalk of a Prince concert – Despite there being an actual crosswalk painted on the ground, an estimated 15 pedestrians in the crosswalk, and a traffic cop directing said pedestrians across the street, a gentleman in an escalade began accelerating into the crosswalk so that he could, presumably, snake the traffic that accumulates when everyone is trying to park for a Prince concert. The traffic cop used a very firm, stiff-armed "STOP" motion to let this guy know that was not going to happen. The gentleman proceeded to roll down his window and ask questions about where to go to get in. As if the giant 2 lane line of traffic he was stuck in all flowing in one direction wouldn't answer the question. When the cop explained that he was currently physically next to the parking lot, that was visible to all, to the right, the gentleman tried to then motion and agree to that location as if trying to trick the cop into letting him DRIVE THROUGH A CROWD through a hole in a gate to park. The cop was not falling for such shenanigans and indeed gave him a look of "Oh hell no, sir." It was astounding. Yet I am confident that gentleman does similar self-serving feigning of ignorance on the reg. Just a hunch.

4. Noon – parking lot near bank – speaking of hunch, I did a double take while spying a gentleman who was driving with his dog slung across his shoulders just beneath his headrest. It was as though he was wearing a live mink stole. But the stole was a dog. And actually not a stole, but more of a travel body pillow. Like, if he covered it in stretchy fabric, he could take his dog on planes and sleep with him wrapped around his neck. I've seen birds on shoulders and cats on backs, but this was my first driving pillow dog sighting.

Also, those who read yesterday's post or number three's location above will note that I went to a Prince concert last night. It was amazing. And mind-blowing. And exceeded my expectations. Which were for nothing short of personal transformation and life change. Amazing. Also I do not think I have ever seen a better live guitar performance. Incredible.

If you're in LA, take a freeway and go see him! More about him later, but today's time did not allow me to write a 20-page document about it.

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